By: Jennifer Bailey, LCSW & RDT
The Signal Behind Anger
Anger is an emotion that comes with cautionary tape, reminding us that there is a line that we must not cross. Experts say it’s a signal telling us something needs our attention. Instead of running from anger or letting it control us, we view it for what it is: a signal, a message about our needs, boundaries, and well-being.
According to Psychology Today and NHS Inform, anger often arises in five common situations:
  • When a boundary has been crossed
  • When we have an experience of something being unfair or an injustice
  • When we feel hurt or vulnerable
  • When our needs aren’t being met
  • When we experience stress
  • Unchecked anger can harm our health and relationships, but listening to what it signals helps us respond thoughtfully.
When Anger Goes Unspoken
When anger or any emotion goes unexpressed, it can result in negative outcomes. Repressed anger is pushed out of our awareness, while suppressed anger is consciously ignored.
Nicole Artz, a licensed marriage and family therapist, writes, “repressed anger doesn’t disappear; instead, it often shows up as physical tension, anxiety, mood swings, or self-doubt, affecting both your mental and physical health.” Like many repressed emotions, repressed anger can occur for many reasons, the most common being childhood trauma.
The Cost of Unexpressed Anger
When anger goes unacknowledged, it may show up physically and emotionally:
  • Potential Physical Impacts
  • High blood pressure
  • Chronic stress
  • Heart problems
  • Insomnia
  • Higher risk for chronic illnesses
  • Difficulty concentrating
Potential Mental & Relational Impacts
  • Lowered self-esteem
  • Anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions
  • Higher risk for addictions
  • Impulsivity
  • Less open and honest communication
  • Poorer relationships
  • Impaired work performance
  • Numbness
Knowing that unacknowledged anger can hinder our physical, relational, and mental health, it’s important to use strategies to manage it.
How to Manage Anger
Here are some ways to effectively manage anger when it occurs and avoid negative outcomes that accompany suppressing or repressing it. When anger arises, we suggest a three-step strategy to name it, claim it, and tame it.
Name It
Start by using I-statements (e.g., “I feel angry that the event didn’t go as planned.”).  Notice where anger shows up in your body (tight jaw, racing heart). Naming helps you choose words thoughtfully, so we don’t say something we could regret later.
Claim It
Claiming our anger means we are acknowledging the emotion as valid without judging ourselves. The Mayo Clinic suggests avoiding grudges, asking for support, and even using humor to reframe situations.
Tame It
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), “simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings.” Taking a break from the anger-provoking situation to allow time for the feeling to subside, and mindful breathing exercises are other valuable tools to lessen the intensity of our emotions.
Two simple mindful breathing exercises to help tame anger:
  • Square breathing: Breathe in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, breathe out for four seconds, hold for four seconds.
  • 4-5-7: Breathe in for four seconds, hold for five seconds, and breathe out for seven seconds.
Mindful breathing and relaxation are tools to manage anger
Jennifer Bailey is a wife, mother of three, and therapist. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and Registered Drama Therapist (RDT).

Jennifer Bailey is a wife, mother of three and therapist. By training, she is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and Registered Drama Therapist (RDT).