Coping with Life’s Disappointments

By Sheila Ferguson

Disappointment is a natural part of life.

Today, disappointment has taken on added weight with the COVID-19 pandemic. Now more than ever our tempers are flaring, and we are quick to express our dismay.

Disappointments come in many forms: lies or betrayal in a friendship, family, intimate relationship, or marriage; unexpected job loss or termination after years of loyal service.

Though these emotionally distressing life events are real, they are not the real problem. Aldous Huxley author of “Brave New World,” “The Doors of Perception” and “Chrome Yellow” stated, “experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you.”

There are times when we have to be patient and accept delays, make lemonade with lemons, or brush off someone’s ungracious remarks and keep it moving.

Many of us do get up and quickly dust ourselves off after these painful experiences. Yet there are others who cannot cope because of a painful history of being let down. Some of that pain may go back to childhood, with critical and self-serving parents, or unkind teachers. For others, the experiences are fresh and linked to recent events such as dating, marital, or business relationships that revealed betrayal or abuse.

Coping

Resolving disappointment is complicated because of prior wounds. Reactions can be turned inward and trigger feelings of being denied, ignored, invisible, and unworthy. If you experience  strong responses of shock, sorrow, and emotional pain when wounds are reopened you may need therapeutic support.

Most of us are wired to be positive and expect the best. So, when things go haywire, our brains keep us stuck, sad, halting, and fearful. Being stuck is linked to the false belief that we should always get what we want.

Suggested ways of working through disappointment include:

1) acknowledge the event,

2) express your disappointment, have a good cry, and examine the pros and cons of the outcome,

3) forgive the injuring party,

4) focus on the lessons learned as you move on to the next chapter of your life.

Finding the gold in the experience

Disappointing life experiences offer us opportunities for long-term growth. Imagine what it would be like to have a perfect life without any worries, doubts, snafus, delays, suffering or pain. Without disappointments, we would never grow.

Strive to meet challenging people and situations head-on. Accept the reality that we do not always win or get what we want. Sometimes it eventually becomes clear that we got lucky and dodged a bullet when we did not get that job or relationship we wanted.

Adapt to the ever-changing elements of life. That includes everything from falling in love, illness, and economic downturns. Life is full of surprises, and we cannot predict what is around the corner. So, stay open and flexible.

Embracing the diversity of life’s experiences, makes us stronger, more optimistic, grateful, and appreciative of just how wonderful life is and elevate us to new levels of awareness.